Babs in Blogland

Recently, I received a letter from a reader inquiring if I had ever tried a particular dating site devoted to matching men with big and beautiful women.  I paused about three beats while trying to decide if I was going to be offended or not, but then looked down at my thighs and figured I was fooling no one.  Not even on the innanets!

Truth is, I’ve never heard of that particular site and it has never occured to me to list myself on sites such as that.  I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it.  I just never thought about it.  I mean, I guess there is nothing wrong with dating men that prefer larger women.  Is there?

I dunno.  I would never use the service of an interracial dating site, so isn’t this the same thing?  I think I would rather date a man that wasn’t concerned with how much I weighed as opposed to someone that preferred I weighed a lot.

*pause to pop over to da.ting cu.rves*

Okay, I’m back and I think that’s not for me.  A quick scan of the people using the service shows a woman whose screen name includes the word gordita and a man who admits to living with his parents.  But you can find that on any dating site.

I work with an Asian girl who tried a dating site for Asian women and non-Asian men.  She was a little weirded out by it and felt that the men who had a preference for Asian women were a little bit off.  Like they were waiting for her to say “me love you long time” and be at their beck and call.  She didn’t last long on that site.

What do you think, readers and lurkers (oh, I see you)?  Do you think there is anything wrong with dating sites devoted to a specific type of person, beit overweight, of a specific race or religion?

Have you or would you ever try one of them, if you were already doing online dating?

Just so you know, my blog wifey saved your asses.  I was seriously about to go on strike until Monday!  Shouts out to my dearly beloved!

On-line dating is a 21^st century experience.  Gone are the days of being introduced through friends.  You can no longer expect to meet a man at your place of worship.  And you seriously take chances that you’ll end up with a complete asshole if you meet someone at, say, your local grocery store.  Mutherfvcker.  Since women are no longer meeting men the old fashioned way, are they still expected to behave in an old fashioned way?

On-line dating allows both men and women to search profiles.  Both are able to initiate contact by either flirting, winking or skipping to the chase and sending a direct email.  I have asked many of the men I have met on-line if they find a lot of women are being the initiator.  The answer was a resounding YES. 

As a rule, I don’t initiate.  It’s just not something I’m comfortable doing.  I prefer to let them find me.  However, there have been a couple of times, maybe three, where I decided to go ahead and show some interest.  I figure it’s all anonymous so I can be a little more brave. 

The first guy never responded.  Not so good for one’s ego!  Actually, he initiated contact with me about a week ago.  I’m thinking he doesn’t realize I did it first!  Another guy and I went back and forth on email several times but he didn’t really show any interest.  Probably because if he had any interest he would have emailed me first!

The last guy that I initiated contact with FB stalked me and saved my picture on his BB before he even met me, so you can see why I might be hesitant to initiate in the future.            

To all you on-line daters, do you initiate contact?  Have you in the past?

And to the fellas, do you appreciate a woman that initiates contact?

Ummm...

Growing up, I never had dreams of a fancy wedding.  I never imagined my daddy walking me down the aisle or scores of bridesmaids.  I never envisioned myself in a long flowing gown and I never got wistful whenever I saw caketoppers.  So it should come as no surprise that when the time came to actually plan a wedding I was a little more than reluctant.  Honestly, I was thrilled to be engaged and I immediately began to fantasize what Vegas wedding chapel we would end up at.   (more…)

I know this guy.  He is friends with this girl.  They hang out in group settings pretty regularly.  Movies, dinners, amusement parks.  Basic stuff.  Fun stuff.  During the course of their friendship, which hasn’t been quite a year, he has developed feelings for her.

You see, this girl is great.  She’s smart, pretty, fun to be around and loves basketball.  She’s a guy’s girl.  Her only flaw- she has a boyfriend.  You know, one of those annoying on again off again relationships.  Do those ever even work by the way?  Just break up and be done with it!  Move on.

Moving on.

Recently, this guy decided to throw caution to the wind.  In what was clearly a grown azz man kinda move, he told the girl that he liked her and would be interested in being more than just friends.  Her response?  That pesky boyfriend.  Yeah, he was expecting that.

So the two will continue being friends.  At least this guy told this girl how he feels.  Years from now, when he’s sitting on the porch swing next to her or someone better else, he won’t regret at least putting it out there.

When this guy first told me that he was going to put his cards on the table I was worried.  I even discouraged him from doing it.  But the more I thought about it, and the more we discussed it, I knew it was the right move.  How awesome would it be for one of my guy friends to profess their true love for me? (assuming I reciprocated)  After all, aren’t the best relationships built on a foundation of friendship?

What do you think about this guy’s bravado move?  Did he make the right decision?  Do you know of any couples who started out strictly platonic and then developed into something more?

When she was younger she was looking for Mr. Right.  He had to be tall, handsome, advanced schooling from a top school, six-figure income, no kids, good cook and incredible lover.  Then she started to see her friends getting married while she remained single. 

Suddenly, it didn’t matter if he was a good cook.  He didn’t need Morris Chestnut good looks.  He no longer had to have a master’s degree.  Ten years passed and she is still single.

Now, it’s okay if he has a kid or two (but not more than three!).  She makes good money so it’s okay that he is only bringing home $50k.  And standing taller than your man is very Hollywood!

Mr. Right is now Mr. Good Enough.

Recently, a reader sent me a really good article regarding “Mr. Good Enough.”  The article is very long so I am unable to share any of it here, but I found myself identifying with the author very much.  I know Mr. Good Enough sounds like a put down, but in my case it’s just about realizing the things I (thought I) wanted in my youth aren’t nearly as important to me now. 

I’m in a place where I am looking for a man with character.  Someone who loves me unconditionally.  Does what he says he is going to do.  Will be a good father to our children.  Values family.  Loves the Lord.  And can make me laugh.  If he can cook and is a tiger in the bedroom, then the more the better.

Yep, that’s good enough for me.

A lot of women, however, are still holding out for Mr. Right.  They won’t give men who are any less the time of day.  At what point will these women ease up on the requirements and start giving good, regular men a chance?  After all of their friends are happily wed?  After they hit the 40 year mark?  After they have gone on their umpteenth bad date of the year?  I wonder.

What about you?  Are you waiting for Mr. Right or Mr. Good Enough?

Blogger’s Note:  This post is in response to a letter I received from a reader.  Don’t forget you can always send questions and topic suggestions.  Babs will oblige!

How important do you think individual salaries play in a relationship?  Do you think a marriage is more successful if the man is the main breadwinner?

I have always preferred a man that makes more money than me.  I’m not saying he has to be a baller or shot caller, but he has to bring home a couple bucks more than me.  Now, knowing what I make, that leaves me a whole lot of dating options! 

Ladies- can you/did you marry a man that makes less than you?
Fellas- can you/did you marry a woman that makes considerably more?

Blogger’s Note: I haven’t pissed anyone off this week. I feel like getting ya’ll riled up.

Do you think there is a correlation between women remaining single and their weight? Do you think that the higher a woman’s dress size is the fewer dating options she has? Last week, over at Creole in DC’s spot, the subject was brought up. Most people scoffed at the notion. It is my opinion that those naysayers are comprised of mostly thin women who say what they think needs to be said. Never one to say what I think needs to be said, I communicated that I believe the above to be true. My reasons are twofold: (more…)