Head, Head and more Head! July 22, 2008
Posted by Babs O'Leary in Dating.trackback
Yesterday as I was driving to meet Fine Guy, I decided I wasn’t going to let him wash my car after all. Don’t get me wrong, I dig a man that’s not afraid to do some manual labor. But it was like 90-something degrees and I knew I wasn’t going to be breaking a sweat for my own car; it wouldn’t be right to have him do so. I gave Fine Guy a call and nixed our plans to meet at the car wash; instead we decided to grab pizza.
I pulled up at Fine Guy’s apartment complex and waited for him to come out. When a black man in jeans and t-shirt and no shoes came out I looked past him, eagerly waiting for my Fine Guy. “Hey pretty lady!” the strange man with no shoes said to me. I looked at him like “no shirt, no shoes, no service”. Then I realized it was Fine Guy. Except he wasn’t fine at all. In fact, he was very UNfine.
It was the head.
You see, Saturday when I met Fine Guy he was wearing a hat. When we were hanging out and I asked how he wore his hair under the hat, he lifted the hat and said bald. But what he didn’t do was remove the hat and do a 360 degree turn. Now I see why. Dude, like, has some of his hair in the back, but the top and front are completely gone. The back was left with patches of what was once probably nice hair. It looks horrid! I don’t understand why he didn’t shave it completely bald. Black men and bald heads go together like, well, black men and bald heads!
Once I got over the dome shock, I looked down at his feet. Nothing wrong with them. Except he wasn’t wearing any fuggin shoes! Country azz! I inquired about the whereabouts of the missing shoes and he said he just ran out to meet me. I was thinking I totally wouldn’t have minded waiting the 30 seconds it would have taken him to slip on some shoes. And a hat! He went back inside and finished dressing. When he emerged he was back to the Fine Guy I had met on Saturday. But I wouldn’t forget.
We headed for pizza (which totally wasn’t worth breaking smash by the way) and I tried to salvage the date. I mean, he was having a great time, but I just couldn’t get the image of that head out of my mind. I felt my self sabotaging the relationship. He would ask me questions and I would give answers that made me seem the most unappealing. I remained pleasant, I just didn’t want to seem too desireable. When he told me he had a 15 year old daughter, I let him think I had a problem with it. When he asked if I had the tendency to nag in a relationship, I told him yes even though that is totally not true. I was saying whatever it took to get him off my stilo.
After pizza I was ready to go, but he wanted to show me something. I asked how long it would take and he said twenty minutes. I obliged. We headed to the river (except he called it a lake). I explained to him that my tennis team is in that neighborhood and the courts were on the river, but he insisted on taking me anyway. We got out of the car and he took the crust from his leftover pizza. He wanted to feed the ducks. Do I look like a fuggin eight-year old? It’s going to take a whole lot more to impress me than feeding some damn ducks in hot azz weather. Okay, the truth is that if it had been someone I actually liked I would have thought it was cute and would have suggested sitting at a bench and watching the water. Instead I just wanted to go.
So he was feeding the ducks, and there were like 527 of them. I walked back to the car to grab my phone so I could snap a couple of pics. When I turned around there were like 526 ducks following me. Slowly and surely. It was freakin scary. They were like duck zombies. I told Fine Guy it was time to go. He thought it was funny and started throwing bread crumbs at my feet! The ducks moved closer. Lookie here terror dome, it’s time to ride up out of this piece!
We finally headed back to his house so I could get my car. “Did you enjoy the ducks?” Fine Guy asked me. “I mean, they were ducks,” I replied.
When we got back to my car I gave him a quick little friendly hug, you know asses out, and was on my merry way. And all the way home I just kept thinking about his head.
This killed me softly… I can’t believe he has spotted hair and a desire to feed old crusts to ducks. Did he really get the old crusts to go? I am gigglin through this whole post.. and the title? bwahahahaaha
What a great laugh to start my day. I don’t know why I had an image of the 3 goons from Lion King in my head after the spotted hair description. “I mean, they were ducks.”. I’m weak! ROTFL!!
I am so sorry Babs, but BWWWWHAHAHAHA!!!!! That was just too funny!!
Maybe you can suggest to (Not so)Fine guy to shave off the hair. He seems like a nice person you may just need to groom him a bit.
Babsie you are hilarious – thank you for my morning chuckle!
I agree with Tsiporah, maybe he just needs a woman’s touch. Nothing major, just a few little suggestions.
My name is not Bey and I do not upgrade.
wow babs can go from hot to cold in
like .001 seconds if your game aint TIGHT!
If your fade ain’t tight!
Me and you?
We’re done.
patches!
This reminds me of one of my dating stories. Hee. You did not sabotage. You just know what you want
OMG, that is tooo funny!
Speaking of bodies of water…I am crying a river of tears (laughter-induced, of course).
That was just some hilarious stuff. You should really write a book. Seriously. We’ll talk next month. And this post gave me a little insight into a situation I’m in now too. So thanks for that!
J- if you are rocking patches we are going to have a very serious talk.
*passes out, slides quietly under desk*
Somebody get her a cold glass of water!
ROFL @ Lookie hear terror dome
Interesting date.
So, are you going out with him again?? (chuckle)
LOL @ the head, the pizza crust and the ducks.
Just died an early death.
LMAO. OMG. That’s too much! My cousin and I just had a convo about guys we’ve dated that always had on a hat. When they took ‘em off it was usually a shock. (Remember: AIHUH)Always inspect heads under hats. lol
ROTFL…*looking for my kidney transplant
“No Shirt No Shoes No Service”. Thanks for the morning chuckles!
that was funny! i have a picture of roscoe from the m.ar.tin show. what are you going to say when he calls?
I have a HEADache.”
LOL…you are too funny Babs.
OMG! It’s too early to have tears streaming down my face! LMAO!!!
Hell no!! Are you crazy? You know I keep it shaved evenly and looking good. It’s a relationship thing, not a hair thing!! LOL
Whew! I was worried for a minute. Can’t wait to hear the story!
Babs, you have been in the game long enough to know that a hat and glasses can make a man go from Swamp Donkey to HOT Secksy.
lol! I know now!
Oh Babs…LMAO. He does sound a little country. Does Babs do country?
How old is he with the 15 year old daughter still living in an apt? What’s up with that?
Old enough to have a mortgage note.
There are NO WORDS. Patches? Ducks?
I must leave now.
so dead at the patches of hair
wow
lmao
LOL. There were 527 ducks and 526 ducks were following you. What was that one other duck doing? LOL
lollygagging!
I had to come out of lurking for this. That was hilarious.
I had to fake sneeze to cover my guffaw at reading “terror dome”.
Glad my dating antics brought you out!
You’re gonna get me fired! Had me laughing OUT LOUD up in here! “Terror Dome”?!?!??! LOL
Better luck next time madame! You’ll find a good one soon.
It’s always darkest before the dawn.
Thanks to you babs…i almost lost my daggone breakfast reading this post…..lawd!!!
@Hostess – Swamp Donkey, this is now my second favorite description of pure ugly,
Only to be followed by Booger Wolf, which I also learned here on Babsinblogland!!!!
I can’t breathe! Don’t ever tell that story again. I am mad at the entire “terror dome” and “patches” descriptions.
**When he asked if I had the tendency to nag in a relationship, I told him yes**
You crack me up!!!!!!!!!!
The dome piece was NOT on point. Patches?? I’m done.
****SIGH***
On so many levels
I had to come back and let Babs know how well this was written. Girl…this is the funniest thing EVER! It was very visual too! LOVED IT!
Thanks, kitten.
I am crying! Hilarious. Man oh man I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who meets black men with hair issues who should just go completly bald.
The ducks are kinda cute though
.
They aren’t cute when they are about to trample you! I could smell pizza crust on their breath!
He just wanted to feed the ducks!!!!!! LOL
Ok…so this is the.funniest.post I have EVER read! I am sitting here in my apt laughing out loud! I CANNOT take it! I’m sorry you had such a terrible date but glad you entertained us all. BRAVO!
LOL! I mean, I know it probably wasn’t funny at the time, but this is kinda funny to read… You killed me with, ” I mean, they were ducks”…
This may be one of the funniest things that I have read….HILARIOUS!
OMG…this is soo funny! So dude was rockin’ alopecia style! My breathing has become shallow reading this post…too much…funny!
I had an, umm, incident with some “gangsta ducks” when I took my FIVE YEAR OLD to feed the ducks…they were actin’ all crackish, rollin’ up on us all hard core like they was gonna do somethin’!
Nothing says country like bare feet outside. And another thing (leaving aside the staunch difference b/w rivers and lakes), ducks eat BREAD not funky old pizza crust.. No wonder they went all Dawn of the Dead on you… They were probably choking.. Clearly, dude was doin the absolute *most*.. Any dude worth his doo-rag, woulda dropped you off once you looked sideways about their son or daughter.. That should have been a huge red flag for him. He sounds like the type of dude to forsake his kid for whatever woman he is dating, which in my book is a definite no-no..
Thou shall do right by thou’s children!
lmao @ Dawn of the Dead!
Oh, Babs. This was hilarious. Nothing says “I don’t want to see you again” like the Christian hug you gave him before leaving. lol
He hasn’t called either. I think he got my not so subtle hints!
I am SO late but this had me ctfu.
Too bad you didn’t have him go ahead and wash your car. He could have used his head to do a nice buff after a wax.
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This story had me dying laughing, I will definitely vote for u! P.S. just be glad he didn’t wear a Twopay on ur date and put some crust under there for the ducks!
Thanks! And welcome!
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You did not say “terror dome”!!!! Bwhahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Q
“terror dome”
HAHAHAHAHA
OMG! That was sooooooo funny!
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